Ever have those days when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and the only thing you want to do is go back and wake up on the right side but you can’t? 💫
That was me this morning. I woke up on the wrong side of of the bed, I felt off, unmotivated and really just not like myself. The only thing I wanted to do was go back to sleep and cancel the day. So I made a pros and cons list in my head to help me decide what to do. Naturally, the pros outweighed the cons and I needed to suck it up and get moving. I knew I would feel better if I did. And it was 💫
Know the feeling? What do you do when this happens to you!
refeeding. in the eating disorder space, it’s rarely touched on yet common in most recoveries. but what is it?
every recovery is different. personally, my recovery was from a restrictive battle with food. i had lost nearly half my body weight, and this time called for restoring weight. a lot of it.
when i finally began to eat again, i was afraid that the self-control i had cultivated over four years would be “ruined”. that i wouldn’t be able to compose myself when faced with a full plate. for too long, eating was an all or nothing task, and now that it couldn’t be nothing, it had to be all.
i’ve been asked if i experienced “binge eating” in recovery, and here’s where refeeding comes in. when the body is deprived of food for a long time and then food is reintroduced, it gets…excited. my body wanted to make up for all of those starving days and grumbling nights. .
for years i had tinkered with my body’s natural messages. part of my recovery was relearning hunger cues. after awhile, they had disappeared, and now that i was calling them back home, they had to readjust. and they weren’t exactly accurate. .
this isn’t unhealthy. there is a learning period that comes with recovery, and feeling hungry even after a dense meal is not WRONG. your body learning its hunger cues is like you learning to do a math problem. both take practice and there will be errors along the way. but eventually, things begin to click.
when i was refeeding, i would eat large meals and feel hunger ten minutes later. i would grow frustrated with myself, angry for not being “normal”, scared that i was eating “too much”. i remember trying to rationalize with my body. “you can’t possibly be hungry you JUST ate”.
what would i do? i would eat more, because my body was asking for it. the entire time i was miserable, confused, to be so full and yet so hungry. but i ate, because i had to show up for my body, had to allow it to fall before it could stand.
all of that just to say that recovery is a learning process. there is no correct way to recover. your body was subject to trauma, and now it needs to find its way back home. it’s during times of discomfort that we grow the most 💫