There’s a song by Stevie Wonder called “For Once In My Life”.
The lyrics talk about finding a love, a true love that’s always been needed and finally one that is here to stay. I’m sure the song was certainly written about another person that comes into your life but for me the more and more I listen to the words it’s like a song for myself.
For so long I heard people talk about loving themselves first and self love but I never really got it, not until recently.
It’s been really hard and I’m still learning how to love myself right but I am in a place now where I can look in the mirror and confidently tell the woman looking back at me, even with all her imperfections that she’s fabulous and I love her! ☺️
I sing along to that song and I sing those words for no one else but me- because I come first now, as long as I can say I truly love myself I can handle anything life throws my way. 💕
“For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I’ve needed so long
For once unafraid I can go where life leads me and somehow I know I’ll be strong”
-Stevie Wonder 🎶
When I began this journey I never wanted to reveal my starting weight for a long time, I was honestly really ashamed of that number.
But now I am no longer ashamed to admit my starting weight was 227lbs- it was a reality I needed to face in order to make a change.
Since I was 16 I’ve always had a 2 at the front of my number- my biggest goal for so long was to get a 1 at the front- reach “ONE-DERLAND” that’s what I call it 😂
A few weeks back I hit 200lbs- it felt great to be so close but I got stuck here and I felt like I was never gonna break that barrier.
Finally after an awesome run on Saturday I was feeling so good about myself that I felt brave enough to get on the scales again and when I saw it was 198lbs I honestly didn’t believe it! I weighed myself 3x and took a picture before it all sunk in 😂
Yes- I still have a very long way to go with my fitness goals but being able to celebrate 29lbs down so far and finally being in “One-derland” makes me so incredibly proud and gives me the motivation I need to keep working hard! 😁
I also have to say a huge thank you to my personal trainer @benefitraining who I couldn’t wait to share the news with on Saturday.
We have been working together for 2 months now and I am beyond grateful for the constant ass kicking, muscle beating and food coaching because all the torture is finally paying off! Hahahahaha 😂 Just kidding- he’s tough but he’s the best and I wouldn’t have reached this point without him.
For anyone starting out I want you to know those small goals mean just as much as the big goals and no matter how hard it gets it is always, ALWAYS worth it in the end! 💪🏻❤️
Self love is such an interesting process.
Back in the beginning of my weight loss journey I would hate to be recorded working out- I honestly didn’t want to have to watch myself on video and look at my body and wonder how I ever let it get so bad- it didn’t motivate me at all, it just made me feel miserable. 😔
But now I’ll always ask my trainer to record me working out- how times have changed! Lol! 😝
In all honestly I still watch these videos and I immediately see all my flaws; I see my bingo wings, I see my giant Buddha belly and of course we can’t miss my 15 chins 🤣 but then I take a deep breathe and I tell myself all the good things I see in these videos too!
I see a badass woman on a weight loss journey, I see a person who is 100% committed to working out and getting results no matter how I look in the mirror. I see a girl that’s trying 3 different workout moves for the first time and instead of being scared I’m doing it and I’m pushing through all my reps (the legs and arms shaking are real y’all!)💪🏻
It’s always so easy for us to judge ourselves and only focus on the negative but that’s a mind set I’m working so hard to change.
Yes I’m human so of course I still see things I need to improve but I also celebrate every little victory and every little step forward in the right direction because those steps, no matter how small still get me closer to my goals!💕
Big thanks to my trainer @benefitraining who continues to push me past my limits every single time we hit the gym and who happily records me whenever I ask lol! 😆💪🏻🔥
I want to talk about clothes today 👗👚👖
Interesting thing about my weight loss journey is how much it’s changing my relationship with clothes.
When it comes to clothes shopping it was something I avoided as much as possible. I hated going into stores and trying on clothes because 9/10 things I thought would fit never did and leaving empty handed always left me feeling miserable about myself.
Wearing my “house pants” (you know the pants you would never leave the house in and extra baggy T-shirts will always be my go to place for comfort. I will never loose my love for graphic T-shirt’s either and would happy wear them daily 😊
But now that I’m loosing the weight I’m getting more experimental- (I think that’s the right word to use) with the clothes I wear when I go out. More brave too!
I still favor online shopping- I think I always will lol but having to buy clothes which before was so scary and daunting for me is now becoming something exciting for me.
New clothes that fit my new body actually make me feel good about myself and also encourage me to keep going with my weight loss journey and that is such a big difference from how I felt about clothes before.
I always gravitated to baggy tops, sweaters and dresses and so when I was getting ready on Saturday night I reached for a fitted dress that months ago I would never have even considered wearing.
Needless to say I felt fabulous!😎 I little bit nervous at first but after a few cocktails this lady was strutting her stuff 🤣
Clothes have a really big impact on how we feel about ourselves and I love that my relationship with clothes is finally turning into a positive one ❤️
Life has been a real challenge lately. I feel so stuck, desperately trying to keep myself from drowning in stress and holding it all together.
I’ve found that when there is so much out of my control the one thing I can control is taking care of my body. Eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising and regular pampering sessions have helped me so much and I never feel guilty anymore for putting myself first.
The gym has become my happy place. A place where I can clear my head and try and organise my thoughts. Nothing might have changed during my workout but when it’s over I somehow feel more in control and more prepared for whatever is to come next on my crazy journey.
They say we workout not because we want to punish our body but because we love it! It took me a very long time to realise how true those words are.
I’ve come a long way physically and mentally and I’m still only just getting started but when I take a moment to look back on where I was to where I am now, I can honestly say without a doubt making this change wasn’t easy but has been the best decision I ever made!
Body under construction with @benefitraining 💪🏻🔥